Becoming a Woman of Character

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Becoming a Woman of Character

Holly Gort • Oct 04, 2021

Through God’s Grace: Comparing Myself To The Proverbs 31 Woman

Do you ever get that sinking feeling of not measuring up to other women?

Have you read Proverbs 31 and felt hopeless because there is no way you could ever be her? Have you ever felt frustrated or angry with God for giving us such incredibly high standards to live up to?

Me too, girl.

I remember when I first read this chapter years ago. I was bewildered at how much that woman had on her plate, and yet maintained an air of grace and humility. I went straight to thinking, “There is no way I could ever be her.”

On my busiest days, it’s a struggle to hold my tongue towards my husband, much less give thought to those less fortunate.

Thinking back on the rough patches Jesse and I have gone through, especially in our early years of marriage, I feel a special place in my heart for those women who would much rather skip that chapter than compare themselves to that woman.

As women, we are constantly battling the standards that society has placed upon our shoulders. But what does God’s word actually say about what it means to be a godly, virtuous woman with honorable character?

When you dive into studying the Proverbs 31 woman and how she lived her life, you find that it’s actually a chapter of celebration not comparison.

The call on our lives is a specific call given to us from God. We are not intended to be just like the Proverbs 31 woman , we are intended to be just like Jesus.

So becoming like the Proverbs 31 woman is not a matter of checking off a list of accomplishments to obtain perfection or what we deem as this incredible woman.

It is to see in her the life and the love of God. It is studying the virtues described and living a life where those virtues are evident. Not only to ourselves and our families, but to those outside of our worlds as well.

The REAL Proverbs 31 woman is a woman of virtue and character. It’s not about doing and going and checking off to do lists. It is about becoming like the Lord. And that is only done by and through God’s grace, not by exhausting ourselves through endless striving.

Worldly pursuits will wear you out, girl. Worldly pursuits to have the perfect appearance, perfect marriage, and to have it all together will only exhaust you. But a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

Let us chase after His heart.

“Who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.”

The Proverbs 31 woman lives in such a way that her husband trusts in her. Trust plays into a variety of areas within any relationship. Faithfulness, finances, speaking well of one another, intentionality, listening, supporting, and letting your yes be yes.

Matthew 5:37 says “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’, ‘no’. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

When someone declares a promise or an oath, they are undermining their own word by giving that promise or oath. They are implying that what you have said in the past may not have been as accurate. Oaths vocalize that you may be giving half truths or little white lies.

As women who live in the love of God, but ALSO the fear of God, we should be mindful about being honest in what we say and in what we do, even in the little things.

So let me tell you about a time when I was slightly naïve and sinful.

I had a boyfriend when I was younger and he was a worship leader. I was a baby Christian and he was very good at manipulation. He made me feel like it was all a game I had to win and that I had to measure up. If I measured up then we would get married. (Which I’m thankful never happened.)

I had been fighting for this guy to give me the type of attention I felt I needed. He had said a lot of things like, “I don’t know if God has called you to be my wife, but I’m so drawn to you”.

One night he invited me over to his place very late. My first thought was “he’s a worship leader, he’s not going to do anything, but he’s going to give me the attention I’ve been craving.”

Having lived a sinful life, I knew about that world, but I thought maybe this could be different.

I truly wanted to justify my sinful desire by saying “well, it’s okay because he’s in a position of power in the church.” It is SO easy to go there. It’s so easy to be drawn in by temptation.

Nothing happened, but I’m thankful for that experience because now I see situations that have risen in my life since then where a church pastor has reached out to me and my first thought is, “oh he’s a pastor and he just wants to talk”.

It could easily turn into confusion, but instead I can say, “no, I’ve been here. This is not a time to be naïve. This is not a time to play pretend. This is a time to be a faithful woman and follow what God h

as called me to.”

I want to call you up to that. In our workplaces and social media DM’s, in our own friendships we must treat every interaction cautiously. This is not to say, be legalistic and don’t have any friends.

I have male friends, but they are also my husband’s friends. I never text them without Jesse in the chat as well. This is just a precautionary thing that I think is wise. Jesse and I also have full access to one another’s phones , it’s just helpful. It’s trust.

And so bringing it back to the Proverbs 31 woman , it says she was trustworthy. So as we walk, we should be intentional and aware of what situations we are getting ourselves into.

We should be trustworthy, not only in our lives, but in our hearts and minds because God knows our true desires. Our motives in life matter. So if we live without secrets, we give our spouse reason to trust in us.

The Proverbs 31 woman also served her husband selflessly, not reserving any love or affection. She was warm to him. It says he honored and praised her out loud. How rare is that (unfortunately)? She honored him well and was worthy of praise.

I know that many of you are single and so preparing our hearts for the future is absolutely crucial. It helps us to keep our eyes on eternity, rather than on ourselves or a relationship that we’ve begun to idolize.

Whether you are single or married, you can begin preparing your heart for the future, so that we can grow up to mentor those in a season below us.

Ladies, I want you to focus on that verse, no matter what season you are in, and how it says “all the days of her life”.

Your life does not start when you get that career, your life does not start when you get married or have children. Though the world may tell us that, that is not biblical truth. Your life is NOW. You are in the moment. Stop wishing for something greater. Stop wishing for the next day.

Are you content? Are you seeking God’s heart right now in order to allow Him to prune and sanctify you to be the woman He’s called you to be, whether we ever have a husband or children or that dream job.

~Lindsey Maestas https://sparrowsandlily.com/about-2/about/

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We Stopped Going House to House for the Holidays. Here's Why.... Written by Lindsey Maestas a favorite Blogger of Lisa's

By Written by Lindsey Maestas • 05 Dec, 2022

When we were first married, the holidays were a really stressful time for us. We went to 5 different Christmases at 5 different houses. We wanted to spend as much time as we could with our family, and we didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so we made it happen. We were trying our best, but as soon we had to leave somewhere, there was always at least one comment that made us feel guilty. We knew that they intended well, and we truly are thankful that our family loves us enough to want us around. But we would still leave the house feeling so discouraged because, in reality, Jesse and I had spent absolutely no time alone together; we were simply trying to accommodate everyone else. Then we hit a turning point. I remember the day like it was yesterday. Our son Sutton was 1 1/2 years old and we rushed home a ridiculous number of times to pick up food and gifts to take to the next house. And then the next house. And then the next. Jesse decided on our final trip home that night that he pretty much despised the holidays and it made me so sad. He had always loved and looked forward to them when we were dating. We were stressed out with each other and far from ‘merry.’ And honestly, that day had looked so much different than what I had dreamt of time and time again as I imagined celebrating my son’s first real Christmas. When we finally came home for the night, it was completely dark. Sutton’s toys were piled up, untouched, in the corner. He didn’t get to open or play with anything that day and he was passed out by the time we got home. Our house was a disaster because I had rushed to cook and bake everything for each house and didn’t have time to clean before we left. We also spent an inordinate amount of money on 19 kids, 10 siblings and 3 White Elephant parties. We were completely exhausted, frazzled and frustrated. It was in that moment when we both realized that, although we both desperately love our families, we are our own family now. We have to set healthy boundaries in order to invest in and nurture this little family we have created – even during the holidays. Jesse and I have always clung to this verse in our marriage, but somehow forgot to implement it into the holiday season: “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24 We are our own family now. And while it is absolutely crucial for me to teach Sutton that Christmas is about Jesus and loving and serving others, I also don’t want to create strife or forfeit our family principles to people-please or to simply fulfill society’s standard of what Christmas is supposed to look like. We love being generous and we love giving gifts. It is one of our favorite things to do as a family. I love making all of the holiday food (like our famous cranberry jalapeno dip! ) We also absolutely adore spending time with our families, and we look forward to a time of relaxation with them every single year. But, you guys, when we spread ourselves so thin, neither we, nor our families, actually get that relaxation. We are so busy and exhausted that they actually get very little of our energy or attention. Every family is different, and every family has unique boundaries. In our family, we personally still do our best to see everyone because we really do love it. However, now, we have split the days up. The timespan spent at each home is shorter and we don’t allow guilt to consume us if we can’t make it somewhere. Sweet friends, I want you to consider this. When you exceed your budget by hundreds of dollars, simply to fulfill America’s expectation of giving a gift to everyone in your family (which they will likely take to Goodwill in 6 months), you are forfeiting your boundaries and possibly making an unwise financial decision for your own little fa mily. When you and your spouse are at one another’s throats because you have to put on a false smile for your in-laws who you swear have it out for you, you are sacrificing the health of the one you were intended to cling to for the family that you were intended to separate from after you said, ‘I do.’ Here’s what I’m not saying: I’m not saying that you should say ‘no’ to everything and everyone. Scripture reminds us that those who are faithful in very little are also faithful with much. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy gifts. We are called to be generous with the money that we have because ultimatel y it is God’s, not ours. I don’t necessarily equate that verse to giving gifts on Christmas, but I do think there is something special about the joy that comes from placing presents under the tree for those we love. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t make small sacrifices to spend time with your husband’s family or that he shouldn’t spend time with yours. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” It is important to place your spouse’s needs above your own and to place other people (even extended family) above your own needs as well. Our reward for doing so may not ever come on this earth, but they will be waiting for us in heaven. I encourage you to love your extended family so well throughout the entire year that the holidays aren’t a question of whether or not your family is important to you, simply because you can’t attend one Thanksgiving dinner. Here’s the thing: Jesus has given YOU freedom. Even on the holidays. This year, let us leave behind the obligation and lie that we need to be all things to all people. Instead, let’s focus on honoring God with our lives while clinging to our own little families during the holiday season. Slow down. Go to church or make a cup of hot cocoa and enjoy the day inside with your little family. Simply do your best to lo ve and serve those around you without allowing pressure or obligation to consume you. And most importantly, spread true joy and the love of Jesus with those you come across. It might even be a lot easier this time around because you’ll be rested enough to do so. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone!

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